Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
