Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
