You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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