Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
