Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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