Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
