I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
