can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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