I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
