maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
