My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
