I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Never joke about your clitoris.
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