i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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