omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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