somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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