i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
