and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
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I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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