I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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