Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
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I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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