Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
