just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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