I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
