so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
