I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
