and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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