my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
