i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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