i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
