first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
