Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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