grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
two words...techno handjob
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
