My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
