Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
