I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
