My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
