We're like a lot better than the average bears
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
