I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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