everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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