I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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