dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
