I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
