just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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