Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i believe in u and ur pee
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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