yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
