Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
