Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
