Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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