Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
is wine microwaveable?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
