i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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