I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
