Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
