Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
