Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We were destined to go to rehab together
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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