Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
