Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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