Swine flu. Run for my life!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
