I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
