We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
