I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
