i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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