How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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